Started the day pretty good

I am drinking my appetite control/protein powder with a staw nowadays, if i drink slower I'll feel fuller faster. It works. I always drink it after the gym.

What is wrong with me I was doing so good until 4pm when T came in with a steack and I ate it. I ruinned it. I effed it all up for today. I have to work out double tomorrow , i must ignore my legs when they hurt and my brain when i feel like falling on the floor, I must have self control. I'll grew stronger out of it.
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new bone pack in lj .that's me

I went to borders today and bought a diet and fitness journal while T is watching super bowl and pigging out. He came in 20 min ago and said he just pigged out on crap and he just made a pizza and ate half of it, then he showed me his belly and said: do you want to rub it for good luck?" haha very funny. I don't understand why he is losing weight though, I think he just/only  eats in front  of me.. old trick, you can't fool me I know them all.. I'm the one who spray myself with tons of  Chanel perfume so that It blocks the smell of food.

So anyway I am counting  cals seriously now. I found out I over 1000 Cal today . No self control I am a fat pigg.

The highlight of my day was when I realized that I needed a belt this morning and that my butt doesn't touch the back of my jeans, they do.. but not all the time now and I love it when I feel that space, that empty space. I wished I could feel that empty space in xxs size clothes, right now it's only happening in S size clothes. My jeans are 24 still. My legs hurt from working out so much but I like it ,it's the only way I am reminded that I've worked out today, it fells like a reward. I haven't felt hungry  in a while and that sort of scares me because it's a sign that my body is not eating away at the fat under my skin .

Tomorrow I am staying under 800 Cal no bullsht. I want to be 100 by April